Brown/Blue

A few people at my husbands work knew that we were having a hard time TTC.  They knew because of all the time we had to get off last year for all the cycles we did.  So I thought it would be cute to make them cupcakes that would reveal the gender of the baby.

You would think that it being blue would be a HUGE hint, right?  Nope!  One of the ladies thought we were announcing we were adopting a brown baby.  what?!  Is it because of the frosting color?  So strange!

What's even more strange is looking at boy clothes!  It looks like the cupcake colors will be the main colors of his room!  There seems to be alot of dark browns and blues =) and I'm okay with that, unless they tell me at my anatomy scan that there is NO PENIS, that it was a mistake!  ha!

It's a...............

BOY!!!

Boy was I wrong!  I had myself and others convinced I was having a girl! ha!  And he was proud to show us what he had within a minute of the ultrasound!  Then he got shy, hid it with 1 hand, and sucked on his other.  She kept checking and he then he finally gave  up and gave us another good shot, and then we got some pictures.  We also got a 20 minute long video of the entire ultrasound =)  Was amazing.

This morning before we left I had everyone tell me what they thought I was having, and only my husband and mother said boy!  So I called my mom from there and asked her again "What do you think the baby is?"  and she said boy...I said it's a boy! and she started screaming IT'S A BOY!! - IT'S A BOY!!!. she was shopping with her friend at the time! hahaha!

So there we go!  Amelia has a penis, and can no longer be named Amelia :P

Randoms

Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord for a night of sleep...

Serious.  That's what you'll hear if you eavesdropped in my bedroom at night.  Pervert. 

My sleep has been broken up so much the past 4 nights, that I'm waking up exhausted.  Just the past week I've been getting up 3 to 4 times a night just to pee, and having the most bizarre dreams!  Like, WEIRD dreams. 

The other night after I got back into bed I heard a ~Thump~ noise, and quickly thought that I must have kicked off one of the remotes and it hit my little dogs stool that he uses to get on the bed.  Then I heard my big dogs dog tags jingle, and I thought maybe she hit her head on it...Oh well!  She's big.

Later when I got up AGAIN, I crawled off the end of the bed and almost jumped on the big dog.  She didn't even stir.  I went to the bathroom and when I came back, I saw that her head/shoulders....basically half of her body was UNDER the bed.  I thought she was dead.  So I went over to her and tried to feel her heartbeat and breathing.  Nothing.  Then I was like -F- it!  I'm to tired!  nothing I can do about it, and went back to bed. (totally not like me)

The next morning  my husbands alarm went off and he does his normal routine, he lets the dogs out.  I usually lay there a minute or two, until he comes in and tries to get his sex on, and that's when I'll just get up and leave :P  Anyways...I go to hop off the end of the bed again, this time I moved slower than usual, and I felt the big dog with my toes..I screamed " SHE IS DEAD!!!!!" and hopped back on the bed. and up jumped the dog.  I guess she didn't get the memo she was dead. I'm not sure who was more scared, her or me.

Lack of sleep is doing me in!
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On a more normal note.....

TOMORROW IS ULTRASOUND DAY!  My appt is booked at 10am, so we need to leave the house at 9am!  I am debating if we should give my mother a call while we're there and let her hear the news as we find out, or if I'll make her wait. 

All I do know is I'll be baking a few dozen cupcakes Sunday night with either blue or pink cake batter.  I just need to remember to pick up the silver cupcake paper tomorrow.

I decided I am going to brave it, and say what I am like 90% sure this baby is.  When we 1st found out we were pregnant I thought boy.  I grew up with a huge family, LOTS of cousins.  All girls.  All of us have kids, all of our kids are girls.  Each cousin has between 2-4 kids, all girls.  I thought I was going to end the girl streak, especially since girls are some what rare on my husbands side.

Then in August my cousin gave birth to a boy!  a 10lb 3oz boy...

And that is when I was like, I'm having a girl.  All old wives tales say girl.  Chinese gender says girl, baby's heart rate is always over 150...AND I've only been looking at girl stuff, and we for sure picked out the girls name. 

So my prediction for tomorrow is GIRL! 


**stay tuned**

Frustration

Like 6 months ago I may have blogged about my husbands work closing down locally and how we may be one of the ones hired on at the new offices, and we'll relocate.  Well, we're still waiting.  They laid off half of the staff, and then laid off 10 more a month ago, and my husband has been lucky not to be one of those folks =(

We were told that he was one of their best employees, and he's been awarded with almost all of their good employee coins, monthly.  His bosses even said that he would be an asset at the new offices, and didn't doubt that he would be one of the 1st hired on as a supervisor.  Well, 14 job applications/interviews later and he STILL hasn't been hired on.  Their excuses are silly.  The first half a dozen were based on "sonority"  and now the guys who have only been with the Company a few months are beating him out cause "They grew up at the new company and already know how to run things there to their liking"

I am about ready to call them up myself and give them a piece of my mind!  My husband has been dedicated to this company, working harder, and putting in more hours.  And now you find every excuse not to hire him...Is he too nice?  Can you not see him in a supervisor position because of this?  Cause if that's the real deal, tell him! you probably already know he doesn't bite.  But me?  I'll rip your head off..

Anyways, The last position he applied for was 3 months ago, and he never heard anything back.  which is funny because once you're hired, you have only 2 weeks to get there.  AKA, we have to pack, find a new house, move and settle down in under 2 weeks.  FUNFUN!  But 2 weeks ago he got a call that they narrowed it down to 2 guys, and he was one of them, the other guy is a new guy, of course.

He did his 2nd interview via phone and was told we would know Monday the 23rd.  Monday came and went...FINALLY yesterday the guy emails him back to say it will be the end of this week, or well into next week before he can make an announcement...For serious?  Because my daughter is starting school up VERY soon and I am frustrated as heck to think that we have to put our life on hold ANOTHER week to be shot down.

I would love to start packing some more, I would like to know not to purchase a bunch of perishable foods this weekend.  I would need to find a new OB asap and schedule my 20 week ultrasound.  I would really like a head start at finding us a new house cause some of the pickings are slim!

I'd honestly just would like to know one way or another.  I'm a tad hormonal, and alot of this will be left on my shoulders since I'm the one at home throughout the day.  I'm a planner, I like to know stuff well in advance, especially if my husband is going to lose his job come November when they close the doors locally...and there goes our insurance. 


Sorry for the whiny post, but this is what's been on my mind for months....

Zero Patience

After I blogged about finding out the baby's gender I got a call from my mother. 

It went a little like this"

Mom- "OMG! find out baby's gender!"
Me- "We are =)"
Mom- "WHEN?"
Me- "In 5 weeks!"
Mom- "OMG! find out baby's gender. **now**"

This Saturday seems to be the day!  I spoke with the owner of the U/S place in town, and she said they like you to be 17+weeks, but will take me earlier.  She can see the sex on some baby's at 14 weeks easily, and if for some reason they're not 100% sure, or the baby is playing shy, I can come back up to 3 more times for free =)

sex? yes, please!

About a week ago I all of a sudden didn't want to find out the baby's sex.  I don't seem to have very many surprises in my life and it was the one surprise that I could control.  Well, that thought went right out the window!  I reminded myself that I am the person who not only looks for my Christmas gifts, BUT I actually open them, and reseal them.  Like for real.

We have a choice.  I can book my Gender revealing Ultrasound at the 3d/4d place in town for $89.  Or I can wait 5 more weeks for my anatomy scan and see if the tech will tell me.  I think I will wait 5 more weeks.  Trust me, it's taking me every bit of strength not to book the Gender U/S!  No idea how I even thought I could wait till the birth :P

Of course my husband will be finding out this week if we have to relocate.  With my luck it will be BEFORE my anatomy scan!
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We may have some names picked out!

Welcome ICLW!

Welcome to my little space on the interwebs =)

A bit about me:

Started TTC in 2005, and shortly after I was diagnosed with PCOS and my husband diagnosed with moderate male factor infertility.  We tried numerous clomid cycles and got no ovulation, even on the highest doses.  So last year we moved on to injectables with iui's.  Then came the IVF and the Frozen Egg Transfer....and the bills.

After the last failed frozen transfer last Christmas I decided I needed a break.  Emotionally and Financially.  I needed/wanted to start the new year off taking care of me.  Over the years I really ate my emotions and found myself weighing in at 231lbs by the end of the year.  I focused all my energy on getting healthy and the weight started to fall off. 

It wasn't too long that all I could think about was TTC.  Especially since I started to get a period monthly, I hadn't had a regular monthly since I was a teenager.  I started blogging about finding a new GYNO, and figuring out how I was going to approach them and see if they would prescribe me clomid, so I could see if starting back at step 1 after getting healthy would make a difference.  I had my appointment date of June 9th.

It was May 26th that I finally got my 1st natural positive OPK (even blogged that too! ha!)  and not even 2 weeks later I started getting positive pregnancy tests!  June 9th's appt turned into a pregnancy confirmation and I am now just a few days shy of being 15 weeks pregnant =)

The best part is that I got to capture all these life changing events on my blog.  Who knew that I would have a record of some of the most important events in my life just by blogging.  I love it!

Doctors appointments..

On Tuesday I had 2 doctor appts.  1 for the OB, the other for the dentist.  I left BOTH visits with some hefty bills!

OB: Was my 14 week check up.  Belly was measuring 15 weeks and baby's heart rate was in the 150's.  We got back the results of the NT scan and blood work.  We have a 1 in 10,000 chance of baby having downs and something else that I can't remember the name of.  The doctor was happy with the results.  All my blood work came back great as well.  I go back in 3 weeks for another check up and then another 3 weeks for the 20 week Anatomy scan.

We found out that we hadn't hit our deductible yet, so that explained a $380 bill they gave us.  Plus they want us to start paying $85 every 30 days for the birth of the baby.  I just need to clarify with them that if we do have to relocate soonish, that the money that we have to put towards the birth will be transferred to the new OB.  It's really confusing.  I come from Canada, so I never worried about this sort of stuff, it's all new to me.

By the way, I totally feel the baby moving now!

Dentist:  I had my dentist appt later that same afternoon.  I have some sort of dentist phobia.  It all goes back to my childhood, where our dentist I swear was a torturer!  My brother didn't like the needles, and he told the dentist that he didn't want one...so he didn't get one!  I also had partial braces, so I was at the dentist alot for adjustments.  Anyways...2 years ago I had my top wisdom teeth removed and I chose sedation dentistry..I fell in love that day.  So next time I needed another extraction and a filling, I chose the little blue pills again!  Who knew going to the dentist would be so easy and relaxing! I slept for 3 days...

There was a downside to this... My husband chose to stay in the room while I was having the work done because  I was totally out of it.  The chance of me remembering anything that happened would be very slim.  So imagine my surprise when I was told what I said when the doctor was wiping the blood/drool from my lips "mmm It feels like you were kissing me softly" Oh and I managed to pee the bed on day 2.

Fast forward to Tuesday.  I was told that I have to have not 1, but 2 root canals.  I almost died.  I've never had a root canal. EVER.  I've heard horror stories about them.  The worst part is that I have to be awake! The dentist promised me it would feel like I was getting a cavity filled...Uhmm I don't know what that feels like!  I tried to get them to put it off till after the birth of the baby so I could be knocked out, but I have an infection pocket =[ 

I was also hoping to scare them with the pregnancy...No such luck, the OB said it would be safe.  FML!  Oh, and then I was handed a parting gift.  The bill of $2468 (yes, 2, 4, 6, 8)  My insurance will cover 50 and 80% of some of the procedure, but I have a $1500/yr maximum.  This lovely thing should be going down within the next week, they are being overly dramatic making it out that it can't wait any longer...I think he has a payment for a boat due soon.

Oh, and on top of all of this...The hospital and the blood lab bills came in!  And then my husbands car croaked, so it's at Napas right now getting a new fuel pump, a filter and the gas drained from the oil tank and have to get an oil change and a NEW BATTERY! Weeee! 

So, I'd like to take a moment and say Thank you Mommy for helping!  When it rains, it pours!

Wordless Wednesday

Doppler

We finally got a doppler!  Well, my mom bought it for us, and we had it overnighted.  In our little town you don't get mail to your house, you have to rent a post office box.  So I was checking the tracking every 3 minutes all morning and the moment it arrived, I went for a walk.

I wasn't even home 30 seconds before I tore open the box and started frantically searching for baby.  I was so happy when I thought I found him/her.  But then I noticed that it was my heart beat -76-! lol  I think I found the baby 10 minutes later, but by that time I had to get up and walk away.  I was scaring myself.

Well, I didn't get to finish writing this post before I went to look for it again!  This time I found a heartbeat of 143.  I called my mom and went to let her listen...and the baby moved.  blah.  Maybe next time mom!

Tomorrow morning I have an OB appt, and then a dentist appt in the afternoon.  Last weekend I ended up in the ER with such a bad tooth ache, that it was determined that since I am pregnant and my gums are more sensitive I got a bacteria infection.  fun stuff.  T3's, penicillin and a needle in the cheek later, and I am sorta looking forward to getting rid of this pain once and for all. 

Letter in the mail...

We got a letter in the mail addressed to both myself and my husband.  We couldn't open it.  We knew where it came from, we knew what it needed, we knew what needed to be done.  We knew it would not be easy.

It was a letter asking us what we would like to do with our 4 frozen embryos.  It was a letter wanting us to pay $1500 to freeze them another year.  It was a letter wanting to know if we were going to give them a chance.  We decided to let them go.

It was not an easy choice.

In December we thawed 4 embryos and had 3 survive, but were only allowed to transfer the best 2.  I know that just because that cycle didn't work doesn't mean that these last embryos wouldn't work.  We just can't financially right now do it =(

It sucks when infertiles can't have treatments because of financial reasons, and it hurts to know we can't give these embryos a chance.  We would have to pay $1500 this week, and then again next summer.  I would not be able to do a transfer while breastfeeding...Not to mention we have no idea if we will be relocating again soon...Jayleen has college in 2 years, and I have baby gear I need to purchase within the next 5 months.

It's just sad no matter how many reasons I come up with.

I'm sorry little embryos.

Thankful Thursday

I have alot to be thankful about.  But the main ones on my mind is that I am thankful to be in my 12th week, and that my 2nd trimester is just a few days away!

and thankful that I am having fastfood for dinner!