Monday, May 31, 2010

McFatty Monday

WOO!!! This week has been HARD! I am an emotional eater. I gobble up my feelings with things like chips, chocolate, carbs.. My favorite food group is SALT. Enough said.

With all the celebrity pregnancy announcements, I felt myself going to that dark ugly place. I also found myself with mouthfuls of chocolate chips, spoonfuls of peanut butter, and eating at times that I wasn't hungry, just because I could.

This week is what I needed to see. I needed to be reminded that my food addiction is still there, that it will always be there. That this will have to be a lifestyle choice, and my food choices will have to be something I have to think about for a long time, if not forever.

I was lucky. I did manage to have a 1.5lb weight loss. How? Well, we bought a Gazelle. That shit is hard. I would like to thank Diana who made it look like a cake walk in her 1st VLOG a few McFatty Mondays ago...I seriously thought I was doing it for 25minutes, when I noticed that only 4 minutes had passed.

I also decided that I will show my bellyfat once a month, since it's getting harder to notice the difference bi-weekly. So this week I decided to show you the difference of 2 months!

1st picture is : 3/29/10 @ 183lbs

2nd picture is today: 5/31/10 @ 164.5lbs

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Jealousy Monster

I'm super happy that Celine Dion is pregnant after 6 IVF's...with twins.  Still can't shake the jealousy I am feeling.  I honestly do believe that if I had the money to do multiple IVF's, I wouldn't be so jealous right now.  At least with each IVF it gives you some hope..

Hopeless in Seattle...

Saturday, May 29, 2010

Cheese Please For My Whine!

No idea what's going on....

I had very positive OPK's Wednesday night, and SERIOUSLY positive opk's Thursday morning...yet, my temp didn't show ovulation, and other than just feeling "damp", I didn't have any of the normal fertile mucus.  I guess I should just be thankful that my body tried to do something normal for once, but still, yet again, I am reminded how abnormal my body is.

I am trying to keep myself busy by thinking of questions for my new OB, and trying to figure out how to get her to prescribe fertility meds to me without telling me to go to a fertility clinic...I am hoping just telling her that we spent 28k last year, and we're like broke now, will be enough ha!

Gosh, I feel whiney!

One more thing for my whiney post...Still have serious af like cramps.  When I sit down, or walk up the stairs it my uterus is bruised? haha. just another thing to add my list!

Hope Y'all are having a great long weekend! 

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

-65lbs = OVULATION!

I am now convinced that this is a positive! I think I'll stop testing and enjoy my night =)

But still, HOLY CRAP! I haven't ovulated on my own in atleast 5 years!

**coming up within minutes

Holy CRAP!

I think I'm ovulating! cd16!!

Last night I had such horrible cramps, on my left side it was throbbing. Right around my left ovary. I didn't think anything about since a few hours before that my OPK was VERY negative!

This morning I noticed I had a "wet" feeling down there...and I took an opk, and this is what came up right away...Think it's a positive, or almost positive?


By the way, I'm totally e-mailing this picture to my husband at work =)
*Edit* Husband replied with "Date night woohoo!"

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Mid Cycle

CD15:  negative OPK

My cycles are really strange, but I should be happy that I am seeing them almost every month.  'Cept for the fact that you can't count on them!.  My periods are irregular, and painful now.  Sometimes lasting 10 days, sometimes only 3.  Cycle lengths are all over the map...and I can start spotting a whole week before it even starts.

I guess I'm not a 28day girl =(

Dec-Jan: 43 day
Jan-Feb: 24 day
Feb-March: 34 day
March-May: 50day

So, who knows when my actual period will be due, or how long it will hang around, but what I do know is that I am getting REALLY bad mid cycle cramping.  Today it's probably as bad as it has ever been.  It honestly feels like I have my period, lower ab cramps, lower back ache, and pains in my upper thigh.  Advil isn't even helping =[  EVERY month it's getting worse. 

Meh, I just don't get it. 

Monday, May 24, 2010

McFatty Monday!

Y'all, it's Monday again!  I'm starting to wonder if Mondays come alot faster than they use to because of McFatty Mondays....

McFatty Mondays was started with Blair.  She's probably one of my top favorite Mommy Bloggers.  Last week we had a Guest Host since Blair has decided that it was time for a Blogging break (She'll be back this week!)

I've been on my weight loss journey for almost 6 months now, and I swear this is the 1st time in 10 years that I am actually looking forward to the summer! I just want to be able to wear cute dresses and shorts! 

I started at a whopping 231lbs at 5ft and today I weighed in at 166lbs!

I swear when I saw that number pop up I was in tears!  I know I still have a long ways to go, but I'm getting there!  I can't believe that the 150's are, the 150's?!?! WOO!

This weeks challenge was appearance.

I was worried about not having anything to wear, then worried I'll go buy something, and have that not fit me in a couple of more weeks.  On Saturday I went to Target (Which by the way has the cutest clothes!) and bought my 1st cute black wrap dress. 

But what I did was buy a size small.  The medium fits perfect, and the small is too snug.  I know that when I plan on wearing this dress (in 3 weeks) I will weigh less, and this dress will fit nicely!  Even though that doesn't completely solve the problem of not having clothes that fit me RIGHT NOW..But it's sure keeping my mind off of it, and giving me something to look forward to =)

So that is my McFatty Monday!  31lbs more to lose till I hit my 1st major weight goal of 135!

WOW! only 35more lbs till I've lost 100lbs!

(Next week you will get the pleasure of seeing more bellyfat..I know you love it :P)

Sunday, May 23, 2010

June 9th

That's my appt with a new GYNO! super excited.  Weird, right?

For the past 6 or 7 years, going to the gyno has been emotionally draining.  Every time I went, I left in tears.  I found it frustrating that every time I went, I spent most of my appt being lectured about my size, and why I shouldn't be focusing on TTC.

Well this time...I will be going in there knowing what I want, and making sure I leave with it.  I won't allow them to focus on how much more weight I have to lose, but more focus on how determined I am and how far I have come.

When I lived in Canada, to even see a gyno, you had to be referred by your family doctor, then to get to a fertility clinic you would have to be referred by the gyno.  It was like pulling teeth for me. That when I finally got to fertility clinic, they let me do 2 rounds of clomid with them, and wouldn't let me do injectables, or cycle any further till I lost weight.  (Imagine how excited I was when I moved to the States =)
Here I just called up a Clinic, told them what i wanted, and tada! )

When I called the office to make the appt, they asked what it would be for..I just said that I wanted to see about getting a HSG again, and she booked my appt.  Not sure if there will be a waiting list for it, or how it actually works out here.  But I will be making sure that I get some more testing done, and seeing if I can do some clomid.  I may even leave out the part that I've had almost a dozen clomid cycles.

My plan in the mean time will be to continue with my metformin, and try to get down to the 150's for that appt =)

Saturday, May 22, 2010


Seriously, this is a warning.  I think I may OD.

I've been taking pre natals for a while now.  I've been trying to finish off of a bottle of horse pill size ones for the past few months.  Please keep in mind that I am DIETING (aka trying to be healthy) So when I saw the Adult version of GUMMI Vitamins, I grabbed a bottle at Costco, smiled at my husband, and reminded him that he loved me.

They are freaking GOOD!  It says take 2/day.  They mean 2, two times a day, right? ;)

Soooo. My husband confiscated them!  A dieters WORST nightmare!

Don't worry!  When I told him I needed a love picture of my new love, he handed me the bottle.  I should have stopped chewing when I returned the gummi's =[ I was BUSTED!

BEWARE - These taste like candy! 

Friday, May 21, 2010

Thanks For The Reminder!

I swear this crap only happens to me.

Oh well, maybe my dog can wear it.

Golden Ticket Lady!

Have you ever gone looking  for other TTC blogs, and it seems that as soon as you click their link, it's BANG in your freaking face "OMG I just found out I am pregnant!!!"

PEOPLE! I am starting believe that I am your magic pregnancy fairy!  Seriously, if you want to get pregnant, all you have to do is "friend" me, or like cycle with me, cause it seems I am THAT good.


I remember 5 years ago when I was on a board and there was a bunch of us doing lie, After 9 months, I was the ONLY one who wasn't knocked up.  Last year when I was on a different board and there was about 10 of us doing IUI's, I was sorta happy that the odds didn't seem that great.  BUT now...They are ALL pregnant...Even the one who said she couldn't do IUI's anymore cause of financial reasons.

So, yeah, if you want your golden ticket to pregnancy, I am YOUR girl! fml

May ICLW!!

Welcome all the ICLW readers!  This is my 1st time participating, and I am excited to get to know so many of you through your blogs within the next couple of days =)

Here's a bit of information about me:

I'm 30 years old and been TTC #2 for 5 years.  Even though I already have a child, my "clock" is ticking SO LOUD , that it became the only thing I could think about.  I lived, breathed my Infertility for YEARS.  You see, I was one of those girls..The ones that I shake my head at now..I was a teen mom.  A VERY young teen mom.

I was diagnosed with PCOS 7 years ago, and had been told by every doctor I've met, that I needed to lose weight in order to get pregnant.  Easier said than done.  Well, that's what I told myself.  I did many cycles of clomid, with ovulation occurring one time, when I was on 250mg of clomid for almost 12 days. Then we were told we needed to move on to Super Ovulation.

Fast Forward a year.  Last year we found out that we weren't just dealing with my PCOS, but my husband had MFI.  So the best bet for us would be to do injectable cycles with IUI.  We found a clinic some what close to home and decided to start ART.

2 injectable cycles with IUI, 1 IVF, and 1 FET last year, and we are babiless. (is that a word?)

And that's when I realised that I had spent most of my marriage obsessed with TTC.  I decided to try and put more focus on me and my marriage this year and hope I become one of those women I am jealous of, the ones who get pregnant while on a TTC break..ya, those ones.  Now THAT'S easier said than done. 

I have lost 64lbs in about 6 months.  and I think it may be time to start TTC from step 1 again.

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hello, doc?

I decided that I need to find a new gyno.

I moved here 2 years ago, and hadn't bothered looking for one till last Fall.  I decided I should get a pelvic done before my frozen egg transfer, and to discuss alot of pain I had been having.  Well, he was AWFUL.

I told him about alot of constant pain I've been having in my side where my left ovary is, and he told me it's probably due to my extra weight...Are you freaking kidding me?  I told him that it was getting so bad that sometimes I've come close to throwing up...again, it's probably from all the weight on my belly...

He asked me about any medication I am on, and I told him I was using Syrnael, a nasal spray to get ready for my transfer, and I was wearing 4 vivelle patches every 2 days.  You should have seen the look on his face! He honestly looked disgusted.  He then lectured me getting pregnant while being obese, and how his advice to me would be for the health of the child, to lose weight first. (He refused to look further into my pain, as it would be a waste of money)

I left in tears. 

It's been 6 months since that visit, and I am going to find a new gyno.  I constantly feel pressure in my pelvic area, and sometimes I get horrible period like cramps, even when I don't have my period.  Something must be up.  Plus, I am curious if it's the same here in Washington as it is back home..Where an OB/GYN can prescribe clomid and maybe some other tests?

Back to step 1?

I decided to e-mail another clinic that isn't terribly far, to see what they think they could do for me.  I hate being in limbo.  I hate not knowing where I fit in.

So I told them about my clomid cycles, my injectables with IUI's, my IVF, my FET...and then I asked something I NEVER thought I would ever ask..Can we go back to step 1? Can I start this all over again?  Start with clomid, then work my way back up to IVF?  I just feel that while I am losing the weight maybe I will have a different outcome.

I'm hoping to get a reply back from them today or tomorrow.  I really need a plan.  I need something to look forward to.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Monday, May 17, 2010

McFatty Monday!

(This picture was taken this morning - Not much of a difference from the last belly picture)

I was totally dreading this week. I was worried because I finally got my period after it took a vacation for 45 days! And let me tell ya, I ate a pound of sugar.
BUT this morning I was pleasantly surprised.. I am 168.2lbs!!!! Serious. I think the last time I weighed in the 160's, I was like 7 months pregnant!

I am over last weeks struggle with sugary treats, and I am shifting already into this weeks struggle, and it's only MONDAY!

This weeks struggle: Appearance

I really don't have any clothes that fit me anymore. I even went out a few weeks ago and grabbed some cheap stuff, just so I had something that wouldn't show the world my goodies when I took more than 3 steps :D

I am sorta stuck. Do I go and buy some stuff that looks good on me now, and have it not fit me in a few more weeks...or do I just sit here feeling frumpy in the clothes I have?

I am also noticing my old stretch marks more. I will never wear a bikini. EVER.

I keep getting asked how I am losing the weight...Well, I have a very strong desire to have another child, and for me, losing weight is probably the best way for me to get pregnant.

I also depend 100% on my wiifit. So far I have only used my wiifit for this weight loss, my poor wii board is starting to show it's usage, and that makes me sad =(
Well, that wraps up my McFatty Monday! See y'all next week!

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Ultimate Fertility Package

It's no secret, I LOVE blogs, y'all!

I love connecting with other woman who are going through the same things I am. It helps me feel not alone.

Right now I am trying to find where I fit in. Since I am not actively going through treatments, nor do I have a newborn =( I sort of feel -lost-.

In the meantime! as I find where I belong, I've found some great blogs that I adore! Some of the bigger blogs do give aways...mostly geared towards pregnant women, or those with small children, and every so often you find one that helps those who are still TTC!

I found a new blog last night on accident, and I love it! She's doing a give away that's awesome for women who are TTC! She has all sorts of goodies all bundled up. So, if you're ttc, I suggest taking a peek at her Fertility Glitz give away and enter for a chance to win!

Summer is just around the corner...

With the weather being so warm, and it not getting darker till later, I am reminded that summer is just around the corner.

Since I turned 30 on my last Birthday, I decided to try an be as healthy as I can be. The past 5 years I've pretty much did what I wanted, with no care as to how it would effect me long term.

ie. Eat shit, and sit in the sun.

Well, those days caught up to me.

There's a few things on my NEED list that I decided to order and try. Like new face creams, self tanners, and all that other stuff that I was just too lazy to care about.

Lately I've been seeing commercials for Aveeno's Ageless Vitality Elasticity Recharging System and I finally said "I NEED IT!" You can go to their website to get a coupon, or if you're like me, and you live out of Walmart and Target, you can get it for $39.99 from, and you get right away a $15 online walmart gift card. I just wasn't sure which one to get, there is 3 different kinds. I figure I'll get this one, then the night one...I am clueless!

Faux Tan! I am usually one of the ladies who hide in the shade in the summer, cause it feels like I am on fire! But there has been a few times that I have purposely sat in the sun to get a "healthy Glow" ugh, so much for healthy...
I've seen a few people talk about Sun Labratories Self tanner Foam, and they swear it's the, I think I will be brave and give it a shot! If I some how fail at it, I'll let ya know ;)

In the past I have done the Self Tan lotion - MISTAKE. I had no idea what I was doing, or what I should have done before hand. I had orange palms, orange ankles, and it looked like I kneeled in dog crap. It was AWFUL!

I have also done Tanning Beds...Trust me, I only did it twice. The first time I was given a 1 month unlimited membership. I used it, once. It was my first time EVER. I got my protective eye wear, bought my lasting tan lotion, AKA: I let her talk me into $55 tan lotion. I gathered my bag and headphones, and went into my little room.

The Lady was really sweet, she showed me how to adjust the fan option (lay down bed) Showed me how to get my radio station, and also told me that tan lines WEREN'T in that year ;)

Y'all, I am SHORT! I had to CLIMB onto that bed, like a 5 year old climbing onto their parents bed.. Anyways, As soon as I got on it, and got my earphones on, the bed light turned one, and I laid down. It was maybe a minute TOPS that I was in there, when I heard it.... A FREAKING CAT CALL whistle!

It was instinctual to get up fast..As soon as I got up, you know, hitting my head on the top on the bed,..knocking my eye wear off, blinding myself...It was too late, I saw NO ONE...All I could really see was bright spots, the kind if bright spots you see after you stare straight into a light bulb for a second..

That's all it took for me to want to get the heck outa there...and fast. I sat on the side of the bed, with my feet dangling, now not even sure how far down it was from the bed, since the bright spots were impairing my vision, that I did what most girls of small stature would do...I flipped onto my belly, and tried to feel for the ground with my tiptoes..

The tanning beds lid (or whatever its called) slowly started to close...So when it touched my back, I thought it was someones HAND!


I had actually fell...and before I could get up, the door opened. It was the lovely lady from the front desk checking to see what that thump was! There I was, in the "doggy style" position on the floor, saying everything was good...

I just got dressed as fast as I could, and LEFT! Of course noting on my way out that in fact my door handle did have a lock on it. FML

On my drive home, I had the radio on. It was in between songs, and the commercial that came on was new. It started with A CAT CALL WHISTLE! WTF! There WAS NO ONE in my room with me! It was the radio commercial! omg..

It was a few years later before I went to another tanning salon. This time I was prepared! I picked a little salon that wasn't terribly busy and that had stand up beds.

The lady who ran the salon was a cute petite Chinese lady, who I could barely understand. perfect =) no small chat. I think I did hear her say that for my 1st time we would have to start with only a few minutes since it was a new bed, so the bulbs were more powerful.

Got it. Go in, get naked, hold onto the straps, light/fan will turn on, and when it turns off, game over.

Well, I get in there, and the show gets started...It was only a few seconds into my bathing glory that I looked down. I got a flipping BIRD feather in my I looked down again, and I could see a few more fluffy bird feathers blowing know, the fluffy ones that are on the ass end of a bird? UGH!

Then I closed my legs.

WHY OH WHY is there a mini tornado of bird feathers blowing in god knows where? THE LONGEST 2 minutes of my life.

Turns out, she was on the phone, and had forgot about me. Course she said she gave me extra minutes cause I was so darn cute...LIAR. When I was paying, that's when I noticed the freaking bird cage full of blue and yellow birds. I didn't even say anything, I was already pissed.

That night I was SICK. Like throwing up, y'all. the next day, I had blisters all over me! I ended up in the hospital with dehydration, and burns that needed attention!

So, wish me luck with the tan foam! It's that, or looking like a cast reject from TWILIGHT all summer!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Eeek! Thankful Thursday

I've been having a tough week!  I am actually worried about getting on the scale on Monday.  I finally got my period, and all I can think about eating is sugar!  Like, mouthfuls of white chocolate chips... Have you read the back? 1 tbsp is like 120calories, wtf?

Also, I've been pretty stressed lately thinking about my husbands job.  They are closing the center he works out of, and only hiring on a handful of the folks from there, and the ones chosen will all have to relocate.  Well, he may have been one of the lucky ones hired on...which means relocation.  STRESSFUL

You see, we moved here 2 yrs ago, and it was an adjustment for everyone, especially my mother and daughter.  They have a very close relationship.  My whole life, I've always lived close to my mom, usually within blocks of her.  Well, I am about 2 hrs away now, and soon, I'll be 8 more hrs away.  Plus side, we will be moving to the town my husband grew up in, and where all his family lives.  The Out Laws.  Wait, that may not be a plus....

Tomorrow is when 5 people from his office finds out who gets a 30 day notice.  The ones who aren't chopped, won't know how much time they have left..They may get to stay only a few weeks extra...  I am just glad that Nathaniel may have his offer coming in soon.  But until we get the actual offer, I am worried.

On a good note, it's Thankful Thursday!

Even though I am stressed out, I am also thankful. 

I am thankful to have such an understanding husband. 
I am thankful to have such a wonderful daughter.
I am thankful for this beautiful weather.
I am thankful that I know that this too shall pass!

Monday, May 10, 2010

McFatty Monday

Wow! It's Monday, again....

Okay, so this weekend was probably my biggest temptation day(s) ever. I was expecting a house full of people for Mother's Day, and I was the one who was doing all the cooking and baking....

On Friday I wasn't feeling well, at all. Just thinking of drinking water, or eating anything, didn't sit well with me. So, when lunch time came around on Saturday and I had to start my baking for the next day...I was lucky that I didn't feel like trying anything.

Saturday I managed to make, 2 orange pound cakes, Earl Grey infused cookies, 2 french bread, and a 4 layer carrot cake, topped with very yummy cream cheese icing. Oh, and vanilla bean ice cream..

Sunday morning, I woke up feeling -better- uh oh.

I got up at 7, and started my pasta, cabbage rolls, pizza dough, pizza sauce, and garlic bites. I swear, it started off lovely. Then everyone left, and I was putting all the left overs away.,..and I not only ate 1 cabbage roll, I had a piece of cake, with ice cream! My stomach is NOT use to eating that much. I felt sick!

This morning I was reluctant to hop on the scale. I was worried that 1 bad day or high calorie foods was going to ruin my otherwise "good week".

170.8 lbs!!!!

Next Monday I shall show y'all some more bellyfat =) But for this Monday, I shall show some of my temptations!

Ps. I sent my husband to work this morning with all the tempting left overs!

Friday, May 7, 2010


After a good google-fest, I am not sure mine are positves. Darn little sticks! some of the positives I saw were raging bright, where mine are dark, but only half of it is the same color as the control line.

I've tested more and more, and it doesn't seem -darker-, but it is coming up right away!
This picture was taken at 4 minutes.

I feel terrible

I woke up this morning feeling just AWFUL.  I usually get up at 7:30 and within 5 minutes of waking up, I start my morning workout.  Well, this morning I got up, got my sports bra on, my shorts, and I seriously went right back to bed till 8:45.

I got up and went right to my morning workout, and it sure felt like the entire time I was thinking about just throwing up.  Even as I write that I felt like throwing up, I want to throw up. 

I've had terrible luck with the OPK's, and I think it's mostly because I am not testing when I would be ovulating.  I am on like cycle day 45, and I tested 7 times today, and let me tell you...i think it's positive, y'all!

again, I want to throw up. UGH

Ive been getting a 2nd line for a week now, but nothing dark...nothing that means positive.  Well, other than the fluke few that have half of the test dark.  It's hard when I'm drinking so much water, and know my urine is diluted.

anyways, today I've been getting all positives, at least i think they are positives?  I don't even want to think about sex today!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Bringing Sexy Back [attempt #1];FAILURE

Especially last year, our sex life has been pretty much, pre planned.  Sometimes, we would have someone else telling us when and when not to have sex.  AND maybe, just maybe, some intimate encounters would be my husband in a closet size room, full of magazines and a cup, and my -good time- would be me in stir-ups, hoping that my -landscaping- job was good enough.

There were also times when we had no choice but to have a long dry spell.  Like when we did IVF.  My ovaries were so swollen full of eggs, that just peeing, or walking was uncomfortable, that I couldn't imagine him being on me, or vice versa!  Then of course, when those eggs were retrieved, there was the "nothing in the vagina" till transfer day, and then of course followed by, no sex till the pregnancy test, AND then, no sex for the 1st 12 weeks.

I guess the bitter sweet part was that we never had to wait that long, usually just 3 weeks.  You know, till my period came, and then I was out of order for a week. fun stuff!

This year, with everything else on my plate (weighloss, OPK's, finding me...) I am trying to bring sexy back.   I want to start having regular sex, even just randomtimeoftheday sex!

Thing is, I am thinking way too much about how to accomplish this, that I am making it more complicated.

For the sake of my husband, I have to add: We have amazing sex!  you're welcome for the too much info.

The past week, my husband and I have been browsing some websites that sell sexy night time wear.  I felt like a teenager, I was full of giggles, and at times, I was scared of what I saw!  It was a learning experience.  I learned that we have different tastes, way different tastes.  I also learned that I am still shopping for the plus size me.  I was looking at stuff that I could hide in.

I have decided to step out of my comfort zone, and jump in!  I am going to order something barely there!  and if it doesn't exactly fit me, I will know that it will soon fit me!

Okay, now on to my failure....
2 years ago when I was shopping at The Bay, I saw they were having some sort of sale.  I love looking at stuff on sale...heck, I'll even buy something that doesn't fit me, just cause it's on sale.  and that's how I ended up with a few one piece JLO pajamas.

Description of Jlo on the tag:  Super cute/sexy.  She must have been greased up with baby oil, wearing this one piece. It sort of reminds me of a bodysuit with long sleeves, with high cut sides so you can see her booty.  there is about 7 buttons in the front, but still low cut so you could see the top of her chest.  (sorta weird material, like a light thermal  texture) - I'll get a picture of it

Well, I decided it was time I put this bad boy on!  It pulled up abit in the front, to give the illusion of a camel toe...and when i adjusted that area, I realized that it made my boobs look like they were not as perky as jlo's size b's!  meh, I still looked good. BUT when in doubt, turn off the lights!

I made sure to brush my teeth, and heck, I even shaved (it was freeing not to have to shave every few days for my date with a dildo cam!)  I laid there waiting for him to take his time to make it to the bedroom.  Keep in mind, he's probably gotten use to being told when we would be having sex days in advance.

He climbs into bed and I make my move!  Boy, was he surprised =)

Then he asks me..."Why are you wearing a onesie?"


I told him it was something SEXY! he was excited, and wanted to see what it looked like! He flips the light on fast, blinds me...and he says, "THAT'S A ONESIE!"

~~EPIC Failure~~

Dear Husband,

That sexy attempt was trial and error.  Even though I seduced you in a onesie, you can't deny that I Rocked that onesie !!  That is all.

your wife

Monday, May 3, 2010

My First McFatty Monday Post!

I've been faithfully working on my fitness since January 1st!

I use my wii fit 3 hrs/day everyday. I do 1hr of free step morning/afternoon/night...I also try to do 10 mins of strength exercises after every 1hr of cardio.

I am only 5ft, so when I weighed in at 231lbs a few months back, my BMI was at a whopping 45! I was doing IVF's with that, and in the end, we realized that's the only reason we could figure out why it wasn't working.

Today I am 173.4lbs and my BMI is 32.7! I still have a ways to go, but I am motivated, and from doing it everyday for the past 4 months, it has become a life style change that I am now use to!

K, I am going to be brave and post some pictures of my belly!  Trust me, I lost sleep over this.  Yes, I know I have stretch marks.  It was from the kidlet, and of course from McDonalds.

March 29th picture: 183.0lbs
April 20th picture: 176.4lbs
May 3rd picture: 173.4 Started the McFatty Mondays. a few months back, and every Monday she shows you her progress, and tells you her struggles.  LOVE HER..

Today's question:  "What do you do in emergencies? Or on the road? Do you have a plan to stick “as close” to your diet, or just decide to go balls-out with a Big Mac?"

I almost ALWAYS try to plan for the unexpected.  Like if we were going out for the day, I would bring something to eat or snack on.  BUT because I am still tempted, and I tend to make excuses or reason with myself why it would be "okay, just this once" I just avoid it the best I can

In emergencies, I will however grab a Fresco Taco from Taco Bell, since it's only 150calories. 

Sunday, May 2, 2010

What The OPK!?

While taking time off from officially TTC with ART, I decided to track not only my weight loss progress, but also to see if my body is going to start to act normal. ie, consistent periods, and ovulation.

I think it has been about 10 years since I can last remember having a normal cycle, where I got my period every month. I would be lucky if I got AF twice a year without being help from provera.

But since I started taking care of myself, I've been getting AF monthly. In December I did a frozen egg transfer, and I was on progesterone shots. Once I knew the cycle was a bust, and I stopped the shots, I got AF a few days later. Jan, Feb, and March's cycle all came on time...between 26 and 34 days

Since I was getting AF every month, I decided I would start checking for Ovulation. So, I ordered 75 OPK's right before my AF was due, so I could start checking right away.

I should have known better. Nothing in TTC is ever easy.

On April 20th (CD28) I started to spot, which seems to be my new -normal-. I usually spot 2-3 days prior to af's arrival. Only thing different this time, was that it was a tiy bit of pink. It's usually light brown.

The next day there was NO spotting. But my goodness! I had af cramps. I even woke up in the middle of the night, I was in pain. It felt like I did 1,000 sit ups. Thursday morning there was abit of spotting, only when I wiped.

Thursday (CD30) my OPK's arrived. I decided to test, you know, to make sure it wasn't a bad batch ;) Of course it was negative. But, because I have PCOS, there was a second light line.

I know that the test line has to be the same color as the control line, or darker than, for it to be a positive. But I still thought it was very visible, considering that the year prior when I would use them the 2nd line was much lighter, and the 1 time I caught ovulation I could see the test line getting darker before the true positive.

On Saturday I spotted just once more..Again, only when I wiped. So frustrating. No more cramps, Nada.

Yesterday (CD39) I was out all day with my husband shopping. When I got home I took another OPK. It looked positive. After it dried it didn't look positive as much, like half of it faded. Later that night I must have taken 4 more. All negative. My husband thought maybe it was positive because I really hadn't drank much prior to testing yesterday, and the others were all after 5 glasses of water.

Taking his theory into consideration, I used FMU, which I know, you shouldn't use for OPK's, but I drink 10 glasses of water through out the day! all of my urine is diluted =( anyways, the test this morning was negative...same plain 2nd line.

I am hoping that AF will arrive soon so I can stay on track...and that I don't run out of OPK's before I'm even suppose to be using them!

Here are last night's OPK's.

1st one is the always present 2nd line
2nd one is the fading almost positive looking one

Saturday, May 1, 2010

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Sometimes it's hard to keep focus on other things other than TTC.  I spent the past 5 years researching, obsessing and counting cycle days, and now I am trying to forget it so I can just relax and focus on losing weight. 

Everyday I still check in on old cycle buddies on the boards, check out some blogs that I enjoy reading...I love it when I see a natural pregnancy happen when they are on  "a break".  But I can't help but feel jealous.

It's like when I did my 1st IVF and I was cycling with a bunch of bloggers at the same time, and one by one they were posting their BFP's and I panicked.  I was worried that there was too much of a lucky streak going on, and it ws going to end..I was afraid it was going to end with me!  It ended with me.

I guess I am afraid that too many people have gotten their "natural pregnancy" and that means it's way more unlikely now that I will get one.  Sounds crazy, right?  yepyep! I need to stop thinking about it!

So!  My husband took me shopping today to get my mind back on track.  A little Retail Therapy!  My dear husband bought me a beautiful Kitchen aid Professional 600!  I have wanted one for a while now, but with the amount we were spending each month on injections, we couldn't afford it.

I guess a little break from TTC isn't as bad as I thought.  Not only am I feeling awesome, I'm looking more healthy, and the little rewards make me warm and fuzzy!

I also went by Old Navy, this weekend only they have 30% off everything in the store, so I grabbed some new clothes to wear, since I don't fit into any of my clothes!  I went from size XXL last Christmas, to size M today!